|Are You Playing the Hero or the Antagonist?|
I am going crazy. I am in love with this woman, but she keeps putting me off. I've tried talking to her, but she clams up. She won't return my phone calls, and if by chance I do get her on the phone, she acts really cold. And then I ran into her at a club last week, she turned around and walked the other way! Please tell me what to do!
Long Beach Dude
Wow. This is a tough one. Let's see... she won't talk to you, won't call you back, and when she sees you coming, she goes the other way. Okay. Long Beach Dude, do you HEAR YOURSELF? Which of the words above are confusing you? Well hey, maybe I shouldn't go off like that. I know exactly how you feel - Brad Pitt won't return my phone calls either! Oh yea, sounds pretty lame when I say it, doesn't it?
Okay, LB Dude, you don't know it but you are exhibiting classic antagonist behavior - you know, the mean guy in a story? Usually, your primo antagonists have some ulterior motive in mind - like murder or mayhem. But sometimes the antagonist really doesn't know that he's mean - he just wants the heroine all to himself. But he ends up making everyone miserable, particularly the heroine. He does it by calling her when she doesn't want him to, talking to her when she's given him the brush off, or showing up at clubs where she's with her friends.
Now the beauty of having an antagonist in a romance novel is that it always sets up the perfect situation for the hero to come swooping in to show the heroine that not all men are toads. And believe me, the hero always always always gets the prize, not the antagonist.
You seem to be operating under the impression that if you bug this woman enough, she will eventually give in. It never, ever, works that way, in novels or in real life. Just because you have a thing for her does not mean the sentiment will be returned. It takes two to tango, so to speak, and if one isn't dancing, then the lone dancer needs to find a new partner.
Take my advice and leave her alone. You will not expire, trust me. Life will definitely go on, and somewhere along the way a girl will want your attentions - just not this one. Chill, Long Beach Dude.
Back to Julia's Modern Romance
"They do not love who give the body and keep
The heart ungiven; nor they who yield the soul,
And guard the body. Love doth give the whole;
Its range being high as heaven, as ocean deep,
Wide as the realms of air or planet's curving sweep."
(1835 - 1913)